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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653804">Flying Towards the Sun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousMar/pseuds/MarvelousMar'>MarvelousMar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Clover - Tabata Yuki (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, too many fire metaphors</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:28:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousMar/pseuds/MarvelousMar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sister Lily told you about it once - the tragedy of Icarus - who was too smart and too arrogant for his own good and paid dearly for it. He was someone who was considered brilliant for his times. People did not appreciate this, and thus he was punished, but he used his intelligence to escape using waxed wings he’d built with his uncle. However, instead of running to safety, he chose instead to fly towards the sun. The wax that held his wings together couldn’t handle the heat, and thus, was melted, destroying his wings and sending Icarus to his doom. The others couldn’t fathom as to why Icarus did such a foolish thing. He must’ve known he would die from it.  </p><p>You knew why. </p><p>(You had always known.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Asta/Yuno (Black Clover)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Flying Towards the Sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I didn't want to clog the tags so here are some side pairings that will make a brief appearance in this fic: Noelle/Kahono, Yami/Charlotte, Charmy/Rill, Magna/Luck, Finral/Finnesse. Also there will be mentions of Asta being with other people, so click out if you are uncomfortable with that.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were only days old when you first met him. You couldn’t remember how the two of you ended up here, but you knew that the winter was cold and harsh and cruel and you both would die soon if you two were to stay here for any longer. You didn’t want to die, but more importantly, you couldn’t afford to lose him. </p><p>Luckily, a man opened the door, noticing of the commotion outside. Whispers were heard before you and him were ushered inside and put near the fireplace to warm up. More voices could be heard, more shouts and hisses and sobs, but you couldn’t find it in you to pay attention to them. </p><p>The two of you were safe. <i>He</i> was safe. And that was all that mattered. </p><p>The flames crackled and roared in front of them, but they were nothing compared to the gold in his eyes. He was still crying, fat droplets of tears clinging to pale cheeks, and your heart ached. Naturally, you reached out and placed a hand on his arms, a gesture you weren’t sure was reassuring until he turned over and gave you a small smile. Soon enough, he drifted off, exhausted from the events that transpired that day, and you followed. </p><p>You carried his smile into your dream that night, and every subsequent one afterwards. His eyes continued to burn just as bright as the day you two first met, and yet his smile, rare as they were and always directed towards you, shined even brighter. Even brighter than the sun you two watched rising from the horizon each morning. </p><p>Sister Lily told you about it once - the tragedy of Icarus - who was too smart and too arrogant for his own good and paid dearly for it. He was someone who was considered brilliant for his times. People did not appreciate this, and thus he was punished, but he used his intelligence to escape using waxed wings he’d built with his uncle. However, instead of running to safety, he chose instead to fly towards the sun. The wax that held his wings together couldn’t handle the heat, and thus, was melted, destroying his wings in the process and sending him to his doom. The others couldn’t fathom as to why Icarus did such a foolish thing. He must’ve known he would die from it.  </p><p>You knew why. </p><p>(You had always known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>You were three when Sister Lily sat you two down and told you about the legend of the demon who threatened to destroy the world and the wizard king who slayed it. She speaks in a low, hushed tone, careful and reverent. You have only seen her act this way in front of her God, and perhaps the first wizard king was exactly that to the common folks like them – someone too powerful and too good and too kind to be true. That was why they built statues for him and told tales of his escapades to their children so that his legacy lived on. That was why they continued to obey the kings and nobles who mistreated them, just because those people were descendants of that first wizard king. </p><p>You sneaked glances towards him during Sister Lily’s story, paying careful attention to the way his eyes lit up and his mouth fell open. You wondered if there was a way for him to look at you like that, too. It was silly – to be jealous of someone who no longer existed, but now you had a new goal. </p><p>“I’m going to become the wizard king!” You loudly declared. Sister Lily chuckled as she patted your head while Father Orsi let out a sigh from the other side of the room. <i>He</i> said nothing, but the way his eyes twinkled as you spoke those words were telling enough. </p><p>You were going to become the wizard king, if not for anything else then for him. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were six when you got yourself beaten black and blue to get back the necklace a thief had stolen from him. It ached everywhere, but it was all worth it for the small smile on his face as he caressed the smooth stone, eyes shiny from tears and determination and something else. The item was something that had always been there – a relic from his past, the proof that he was special. But you had always known that he was special. </p><p>You had none of that, and you supposed it was quite fitting. </p><p>But that was fine. You didn’t need to be special. All you needed was to be strong enough to protect him and the people at their church. And maybe that was enough for you to become the wizard king, too. </p><p>“I’m going to become wizard king.” You repeated the words you have said thousands of times before, and his eyes shined even brighter, like you have given him a new purpose. </p><p>“Me too.” He answered firmly, and that changed everything. </p><p>Because he was the sun. The world gravitated around him as everyone followed his movements with complete and utter adoration. He shined too brightly, leaving only shadows behind him, and you didn’t want to be <i>just</i> a shadow. </p><p>(But you knew. </p><p>You had always known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>You were seven when he used his magic for the first time – a gust of wind that gently swept up the fallen leaves from the backyard, which Sister Lily has asked the two of you to do. The others stopped their game of chase to stare at him, awed, before engulfing him into a hug. </p><p>“So your magic has manifested! That’s great!” Sister Lily exclaimed as she patted his head, and something bitter filled the base of your tongue. Not jealousy – you could never be jealous of him. But something else. Something like disappointment. Like desperation. Like love – </p><p>“I’m going to have magic too! Just you wait Yuno!” You shouted, forcing his gaze back on you. He nodded, like it was a sure thing, and you prayed that it was. </p><p>After all, you had never heard of a magicless person. Surely you couldn’t be the only one. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were nine when he began to master control of his magic, allowing him to maneuver the wind to his liking to perform multiple tasks at once. One of Father Orsi’s guest mentioned that he was strong enough to become a magic knight. You said nothing as you took off into the forest and trained until the sky was pitch black and came back to him sleeping near the gate, as if waiting for your return. </p><p>You were both reprimanded afterwards. You only felt guilty about potentially making him sick. </p><p>You were twelve when he used his magic – now more potent than anyone else in their little village – to save a little girl from a group of bandits. Everyone, including the travelling merchants, were amazed that a child who didn’t even have a grimoire was able to execute the complicated magic against professionals. But you never had. He had never been like you. He was special. </p><p>(He was the sun.) </p><p>You were there with him, too. You helped him tie up the bandits and comforted the girl as she was crying. No one bothered sparing you a second glance. </p><p>(And the sun only left behind shadows.) </p><p>You were fourteen when the villagers talked that the current wizard king happened to come by their village on his way to a mission. He didn’t linger, but he didn’t need to be to ignite gossips and whispers among the common folks, who were are often ignored by almost everyone in the Noble Realm. </p><p>“I heard he’s insanely powerful. Capable of defeating all the magic knights on his own.” </p><p>“I heard he uses time magic. How cool is that?” </p><p>“Do you think we can produce someone as capable as him?” </p><p>“Well, isn’t Yuno ahead of everyone else? He can probably do it!” </p><p> </p><p>“Yuno can become wizard king!” </p><p>He ignored those chatters as if he was used to hearing them. Because he was. Because that was what everyone had been telling him ever since they noticed the first spark of magic in his body. He was special. He was chosen. All the things you weren’t. </p><p>But you didn’t want to get left behind. Couldn’t afford to be left behind. </p><p>“Don’t get cocky, Yuno. I will be the one who become the wizard king!” You pointed your finger at him and declared with the same conviction as all those years ago, and he smiled, so rare and soft and beautiful that you almost believed your own words. </p><p>(But you knew. </p><p>You had always known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>You were fifteen when he received a four-leaf grimoire – a sign that he was special, that he was the chosen one. But that wasn’t a surprise. Anyone with eyes could tell he was special, and you had stayed with him for longer than anyone else. </p><p>You received nothing, and maybe that wasn’t a surprise either. </p><p>There was a split second where despair filled you, when you thought about following the advise everyone had tried giving you for years – to give up, go back to the church and settle for a completely ordinary life helping out your orphanage. It would have been predictable. Expected. Maybe that was what <i>he</i> wanted to. </p><p>“Asta is my rival.” </p><p>Four simple words. That was enough to awaken something in you. Anger. Determination. Desperation. <i>Love love love love</i> - </p><p>And then you had a grimoire, one completely different from his and everyone else. You didn’t know how to use it, not really. You barely even knew how it worked. But it was something instead of nothing and you could work with something. </p><p>And maybe, one day, it would be enough. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were sixteen when the two of you stood in front of an awed crowd as the person both of you admired the most declared you to be the most promising magic knights of your generation. He was first, as always, and his brigade was first as well. As always. It was natural. Unsurprising. Predictable. </p><p>“In second place is… The Black Bulls!” </p><p>You were second, and your team was second as well. That was not natural. <i>A miracle</i>, you could hear your other squad mates whispered. But it wasn’t enough to catapult you to first place. You lost to him, as always. </p><p>Looking back, you wondered if it was a sign. </p><p>There were chatters and sneers and doubts (at you, because they will never be directed at him, he was special, so, so special) and you persevered through it all because you had to. </p><p>Because he was right next to you. Because he was looking at you with pride and contentment and something else. An emotion that you took into your own quarters at night and fooled yourself into thinking it was love. </p><p>It wasn’t. It couldn’t have. Not towards you. </p><p>Sometimes, you thought about how the title wizard king would fit him like a glove. How nobody would dare to look at him with those contemptuous stares they gave you despite his humble upbringing. Anyone could tell that he was special. Exceptional. The chosen one. </p><p>But he couldn’t become the wizard king. You wouldn’t let him. You had to be the one who take that title. Not because you were selfish or hungry for glory or fame. But simply because how else would he look at you? </p><p>All you wanted was for him to look at you. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were seventeen when you found out he was the prince to the Spade Kingdom. So much had happened throughout the course of one year, and yet this was the revelation that shook you to your very core. You two had grown up together. You were there when the four-leaf grimoire chose him. It wasn’t quite a lie, but you couldn’t shake off the sense of complete and utter <i>betrayal</i> that festered in your blood like poison. Like desperation. Like love – </p><p>But he was still him, still the same person who had your back all those years ago. Still the same stubborn rival who would never give up. Nothing had changed. And you chose to find reprieve in that. </p><p>Once the shock wore off, you would belatedly admit that it wasn’t all that surprising. A kid who came from the Forbidden Realm couldn’t have been blessed with that much magic and innate talent. There had to be something else. </p><p>The thought was oddly discouraging, like a tiny, rotten seed planted in the middle of the garden that ended up killing the entire batch. Some days it bothered you less than others. </p><p>But you couldn’t afford to think about that right now. Not when you had lives to save and wars to defeat. Not when there were devils threatening to destroy the world. </p><p>Your own devil was a nobody. Someone who was so insignificant in the Underworld it managed to become something great. But it wanted neither the title or the glory that came from defeating other devils. It wanted revenge, plain and simple. Its hatred for other devils were so great it was willing to cooperate with you to defeat them. You didn’t know why. You never bothered asking. All you needed to know was that you two could work together to save your loved ones, and that was enough. </p><p>And that was exactly what you did. </p><p>And in the end, you and him and everyone else managed to save the day. Afterwards, the people of the Spade Kingdom crowded around him and hailed him as their new king. There was no denying it. Royalty was in his blood, after all. </p><p>He rejected it. </p><p>“I cannot be your king.” He said, as weightless as the power and magic that ran through his blood – royal blood, you reminded yourself again. “I am a citizen of the Clover Kingdom. I am sincerely sorry.” </p><p>He walked away from the ever-enticing throne, leaving the power to the people to select a new one and marking the beginning of a new Spade Kingdom. It wouldn’t have happened if it was a lesser person. But he was too honorable to just have a title handed to him, and he deserved all the credits for that. </p><p>And it showed. You could see the shift in the way the captains viewed him, with caution and belated respect and just a hint of approval. The way everyone viewed him, when the story was revealed to the public. Someone who could’ve been the Spade King was content to stay in the Clover Kingdom to work his way towards becoming the wizard king. Even fairy tales couldn’t conjure such thing. </p><p>And just like that, he was one step ahead of you, not just in terms of skills but in terms of recognition. But that had always been the case, ever since you two were little. He was born brim with magic and was destined for greatness, while you were always one step behind, desperately trying to catch up with the makeshift wings you built from blood and sweat and tears and the power you only barely managed to control. </p><p>(Because you knew. </p><p>That the story of Icarus was a fantasy created by foreign people of a different land as a cautionary tale for their children. That Icarus was many things. Intelligent. Arrogant. But also achingly, devastatingly human, and humans had always been more vulnerable than what they claimed. </p><p>Just like Icarus, you could keep flying on your makeshift wings. But the consequences would always be the same. </p><p>You had always known.) </p><p>*** </p><p>You were eighteen when Noelle confessed to you, all fluttering eyelashes and sweaty palms and stumbled words. You could only stare at her, jaws slacked and eyes unblinking as you try to process the whole situation. You hadn’t even noticed her affection. </p><p>But then again, you were always slow about these kinds of stuff. You had always been too engrossed in your goals and your training and the constant chants in your head to get <i>stronger stronger stronger strong enough to reach the sun</i> to observe the relationships of those around you. You heard from somewhere that there was something between Captain Yami and the captain of the Blue Rose. There was also that time when a frustrated Klaus had pulled you aside and told you that Mimosa had romantic feelings for you, which you had reacted by steadfastly avoiding her for a whole month before she confronted you and told you that she got over it. </p><p>But you had never been confessed to before. This was different from the conversation with Mimosa. Noelle – your closest friend in your brigade – was looking at you like she was anticipating an answer wherein you didn’t want to give any at all. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Noelle, but I can’t return your feelings.” You said slowly, feeling the words getting stuck at the base of your throat. It was pure agony because you loved her too much to hurt her. But you also loved her too much to burden her with lies, and the truth was that you couldn’t love her the way she deserved. “I have someone else in my heart.” </p><p>She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest like a shield. It hurt seeing her get so defensive around you, but it was better for both of them this way. </p><p>“I love Sister Lily.” You blurted out, half an explanation and half a joke. That was the excuse you had used for everyone else, and it seemed to work based on the snickers you received. But that was fine, as long as people bought it enough to not dig any deeper. </p><p>Telling everyone that you loved a nun was easy because she was unobtainable in ways people could understand. It was infinitely better than having to express the pain of forever trailing behind the sun and not quite reaching it. Knowing it would kill you and yet desperately trying anyway. </p><p>It was true that you were bad with feelings, including your own. But you didn’t need to realize that the sun rose from the horizon every morning and retreated quietly when night fell. You didn’t need to read books to know that the warm spring would come after the cold winter. It was something you had accepted as common sense. A normality of life. </p><p>The truth was that, your heart had always belonged to him. There didn’t need to be any realization. You had always known. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were nineteen when you and the rest of the magic knights successfully took down Morris, ending his reign of terror in the Diamond Kingdom and freeing all the souls he’d captured and experimented on. The former leaders and monarchs took back control of their kingdom and promised the Clover Kingdom their full cooperation in bringing justice to the victims and maintain peace between the two countries. They might have been foolish enough to be manipulated but they knew their situation. The Diamond Kingdom was weak right now, and if they didn’t work together, the Clover Kingdom would end up swallowing all of them. </p><p>You hadn’t cared much about the aftermath. You were never good at politics – another point he gained over you, another proof that he was better fit to the wizard king. All you knew was that there would be no more suffering, and that was enough. </p><p>There was a celebration – a massive festival where citizens from all corners of the kingdom poured into the capital to celebrate a new era of peace. The lesser nobles hadn’t been too keen about the ideas, but both the House of Silva and the House of Vermillion had backed Julius and pushed it forward. There were still much that needed to happen in order to make Julius’s vision – yours – a reality, but things were gradually changing and you were willing to take any victory you could get your hands on. </p><p>Within the palace, a ball was held, its invitations extended to all magic knights and anyone else who contributed to the Diamond Kingdom’s defeat. Everyone was encouraged to bring a partner with them, but you knew you would rather cut off your own tongue than to ask him. Not when the two of you were like this. Not when you weren’t wizard king yet. </p><p>To your surprise, Noelle ended up going with Kahono, both opting for matching blue dresses that looked like gentle ocean waves as the two spun one another gracefully on the dance floor. It wasn’t just her, either. Everyone seemed to have a partner. Grey worked up the courage to ask Gouche out, and the mirror magic user had reluctantly agreed after his sister’s insistence. Rill had asked Charmy out after taking years to come into terms with his crush. Finral and his childhood friend Finesse were dancing in the middle of the room, both of their faces bright red as Langris watched from afar with something like a satisfactory expression. Even Luck and Magna are together, struggling to not step on each other’s toes while bickering about who got to lead the dance. </p><p><i>He</i> brought someone, too, a girl from Golden Dawn who you didn’t recognize. He’d told you earlier that she had asked and he didn’t find a reason to reject her, much to Bell’s chagrin. You still didn’t know why he bothered telling you when there was no need for him to justify himself. It wasn’t like you two were anything to one another other than childhood friends. </p><p>“I saw you eyeing the dance floor.” Vanessa slid into the seat next to you and whispered into your ears, a glass of some expensive wine held between her fingers. “Want to join them?” </p><p>You had been surprised when Vanessa asked you when she could’ve had any other man as her partner, but she had simply shrugged, mumbling some excuse about how both of you didn’t have a partner yet and “might as well have fun together.” </p><p>There was a flirtatious undertone to her words, but you knew she didn’t mean it like that. She couldn’t have. You had always been slow, but everyone was aware of her feelings towards Yami except for the Black Bulls captain himself. Yami never learned about her feelings, and it would stay that way, because he and Charlotte were together and Vanessa loved him too much to get in the way of the two of them. </p><p>And maybe that was why Vanessa asked you to accompany her instead of anyone else. She was in love with someone she couldn’t have, and she saw herself in you and sympathize with your plight. But you couldn’t confront her about it, not when you would have to deal with the horrible realization that she <i>knew</i>. She knew about your deepest, darkest secret and there was nothing you could do about it. </p><p>“Yeah, let’s dance.” You answered and let yourself be dragged to the center of the room. It was awkward – she was too tall and graceful and you were too clumsy and couldn’t dance to save your life – but you two made it work, somehow. Although you just knew that you were going to get an earful once you got back to the headquarters for stepping on her toes. </p><p>The whole time, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that there were eyes on you, careful and watchful and seared into your skin like a brand. There was something familiar about it, too, like those gazes you often felt while you were alone in the forest, straining every muscle in your body in order to catch up with him. </p><p>There was only one person who ever looked at you like that, and it couldn’t be him. </p><p>He was the sun. The sun never looked back at its own shadow. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were twenty-two when the world learned of the William Vangeance’s role in the destruction of the elves, brought to the public by a nosy journalist who had a penchant for sneaking in and out of places they weren’t supposed to. Predictably, the public were outraged, protesting in front of the palace gates demanding for his immediate removal. All other captains stood up in Vangeance’s defense, but the king was foolish and naïve and no amount of placates will satisfy him or the public. </p><p>In the end, Vangeance chose to resign in order to prevent further backlash towards his brigade members. </p><p>You were twenty-two when he became the second youngest magic knight captain, and no amount of reassurances from your squad mates could prevent you from thinking that you were falling behind. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” The devil – you still never learned his name, you weren’t sure if he had any at all – sat by your side. You couldn’t see its face clearly, but there was something sympathetic in its voice that told you all you needed to know. </p><p>“I’m surprised you haven’t tried to take over my body yet.” You said casually, distracting him from the other topic. “Now would be the perfect time.” </p><p>“You know why I don’t. Not anymore.” The devil stated matter-of-factly, its shadow coiling into a shape that resembled a human, similar to the way Gimodelo shrunk his own shape so that he could perch on Nacht’s shoulder. Your instinct told you it was trying to remain as relatable as possible, so that you would feel comfortable around it, and you couldn’t help but be touched by it. </p><p>“I’ve always wanted to be wizard king.” You whispered, drawing your knees to your chest. “I want to prove to everyone that this <i>kid,</i> this magicless kid, was capable of becoming someone like that. I want to be strong and powerful enough that people would respect me. That people would respect Hage, too, that we aren’t all disposable. That we are <i>people.</i> too” </p><p>The devil said nothing. It didn’t need to. </p><p>“But more than anything,” you began, feeling tears prickling the corners of your eyes, “more than anything, I just want to catch up to him.” </p><p>It was the most honest words you’ve ever told anyone, and years ago, you would’ve laughed that you chose to reveal it to the <i>devil,</i> of all people. But you had known it for nearly a decade, had helped it seek revenge against its companions, had allowed it to make a home inside of your consciousness. If there was someone who knew you better than anyone else, even <i>him</i>, it would be this creature that was sitting next to you. </p><p>It remained silent for the longest time, before letting out a bitter laugh that sounded almost pitiful as it reverberated against the walls of this shadowy place that was half place between your consciousness and the worlds. </p><p>“I am truly the most unlucky devil in all of the Underworld.” It said finally. “The nature of my power means that almost nobody could wield it. After centuries of waiting, I was able to find the perfect vessel.” </p><p>You flinched from your seats, not expecting the devil to be so bold about his original intentions. That was another reminder that your powers were cursed, that you weren’t like the person you’ve given your whole heart to. He was special. Destined. Chosen by the gods. You were only special in ways nobody wanted to be. </p><p>“I couldn’t have known that the only vessel who can host my powers is the only one I can’t take over.” </p><p>Years ago, you convinced yourself that the reason why it wasn’t able to take over your body was because of your relentless refusal to give up, as well as the reckless attitude you used to barrel your way in and out of trouble. It was what everyone believed, too, and that was why everyone trusted you as you gained more control of your power. And you persevered every single time, proving every single whispers of “devil worshippers” wrong. </p><p>But years had passed and you and your devil knew each other too well to be lying to yourselves like that. And the truth was that despair was the key component for one to give oneself to the devil. That was why Licht nearly fell to Zagred’s wrath after witnessing his clan’s massacre. That was why Patry’s four-leaf grimoire twisted into a five-leaf after the elf found out his entire life purpose was a lie. But that was exactly why no amount of devil’s manipulation would work on you. </p><p>Because there was no greater pleasure in life than love, and there was no greater despair than a unrequited one. Because all you wanted was for him to look at you but he never did. Because he was the sun and you were his shadow. </p><p>Because he was always destined for greatness, and you were destined to be nothing. </p><p>Because just as you had always known that you loved him, you also knew that he would never love you back. </p><p>Devils feared two things the most – a stubborn soul who didn’t know how to give up, and one filled with so much despair already they could not be swayed any longer. Too many people thought you were the former. </p><p>*** </p><p>You were twenty-five when the world knew about Julius Novachrono and his current state. The backlash was much less severe compared to William Vangeance’s case, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t any. Years had passed and the Clover Kingdom still hold the most influence among the four kingdoms, but things were still on rocky grounds. They couldn’t afford to be weak, and that meant they couldn’t have a wizard king whose magical powers only amount to those of a child. </p><p>In the end, it was Julius who caved in and stepped down from his role as wizard king, nominating another to take over his title. In the very same night as his announcement, Yami stepped down from his position and asked you to take over. The man didn’t explain himself, but his intentions were plain as day: it was virtually impossible to be considered for wizard king without becoming a captain first. He knew about your ambitions, and he must’ve thought that making you captain would increase your chances of being chosen. </p><p>You were grateful for his actions, but deep down, both of you knew it was all in vain.</p><p>You were twenty-five when you became captain of the Black Bulls. </p><p>You were twenty-five when you watched as he was crowned the youngest ever wizard king. </p><p>You were twenty-five when Sister Lily found you at the doorstep of the church you two had grown up together, face wet with thawed snow and something else. You were twenty-five when she ushered you inside her room and put her hands around you to let you sob into her shoulders. You were twenty-five when she let you kiss her, eyes to eyes and lips to lips. </p><p>“All I have ever wanted is for him to look at me.” You forced the words out when the two of you pulled apart. It was too much. You were revealing too much. But Sister Lily wouldn’t fault you for it - she <i>knew</i>. She’d known ever since you told her Icarus was a love story. </p><p>Because that was what it was. Because Icarus (you) must’ve known. One had to be stupid to not realize the consequences of flying too close to the sun and Icarus (you) was certainly not stupid. But he (you) did it anyways, because the warmth of the sun made even the most painful death worth it. </p><p>Loving him was more painful than any fire that had ever pierced your skin, but you would do it all over again. </p><p>(You had always known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>You were twenty-seven when rumors about the wizard king’s romantic affairs reached your ears. It wasn’t anyone you knew, not even that girl who accompanied him to the ball years ago. It wasn’t even someone from the Clover Kingdom. </p><p>His name was George, a completely ordinary name (you were projecting) for an incredibly exceptional person. Born at the edges of the Spade Kingdom, at the age of twenty, he’d been leading the rebellion against the Dark Triad before you came and sent those devils off yourself. A well-read, well-respected man who was loved and admired by the majority of his people, who were almost universally elected as the new monarch after Yuno rejected the throne. </p><p>The words of mouth were vague – fleeting touches during conferences and meetings that extended late into the night, whispers that no one else was able to overhear, spars that would destroy the training ground and left a rare smile of satisfaction on the wizard king’s face. </p><p>You couldn’t even remember the last time the two of you spar. </p><p>It wasn’t like that. You knew he still cherished you as his best friend (you hoped). But both of you had been busy, with duties and what not. (And maybe, just maybe, you were avoiding him, because looking at him reminded you of sunshine and things you couldn’t have). </p><p>If you had used better judgement, you would’ve confronted him directly, telling him he was at an age when he should be dating and wishing him the best of luck. If you were a better friend, you would’ve even given him a few relationship tips that Vanessa had taught you, even though she was as hopeless as you were in that area. But you were neither of these things, and so you went for the worse route. </p><p>George had been surprised when you approached him, asking for a minute of his time so that the two of you can spar. He knew about your powers, and yet there was no fear in his eyes, which was unexpected, considering he was from a kingdom torn apart by the work of devils. There was, instead, an odd curiosity and even a hint of amusement you couldn’t quite figure out why. </p><p>George used wind magic – just like <i>him,</i> another similarity the two of them shared and you did not. The new king of the Spade Kingdom didn’t have the vast reserve of mana and the innate talent that royalty had, but years of hard work and fighting against devils had taught him how to fight efficiently and utilize complex spells to manipulate the situation in his favor. It reminded you of sparring with Zora, in that respect, though this one felt so much more difficult. Maybe it was because of the difference in their experiences in combat. Maybe it was because you were more familiar with Zora. </p><p>But these were all falsehoods. You knew the reason why. And that was because when fighting with Zora, you weren’t busy analyzing the how graceful he was as he danced across the training ground. How he remained calm in the middle of fighting. How he smiled in the face of adversity and remained courteous even when forced into a corner. </p><p>How he was the kind of person Yuno could love.</p><p>“You lost.” George pointed out. He did not mention how terribly distracted you were, though that fact was obvious. “Another round?” </p><p>It reminded you of when you were little, how you and <i>him</i> would spar rounds after rounds until the sky was pitch black, how you resolutely refused to give up until you score at least a win on him. That was who you were – someone who didn’t give up no matter what, who kept trying and trying until you surpass your limits. For your goals. But for him, too. </p><p>“Sure.” You mustered up what little amount of energy you had left and raised your sword. “You go first.” </p><p>*** </p><p>To your surprise, George kept coming back. </p><p>The Spade King was only due to stay in the Clover Kingdom for three days. Three days then  stretched into four, to five, then a week, then two. Every single day, the man knocked on the doors of the Black Bulls’ headquarters and asked for your presence. He was an important foreign sovereign, which meant you couldn’t turn him away, and you didn’t want to, either. Every second spent with him was every second learning about what this man had that you did not, what could’ve compelled the sun to look towards his direction. </p><p>If Yuno was in love, you wanted to know what kind of person he was in love with. And if that made you selfish, then maybe you were. </p><p>George is not only a skillful fighter. He was observant. He was kind. He smiled to everyone and everything that moved. He was smart and mature, who could stand his own ground in a room full of nobles while remaining dignified. Someone who commanded admiration and respect from the people they lead. Someone <i>he</i> wouldn’t have to look down to. </p><p>You hated it. </p><p>“You’ve been spending a lot of time with George lately.” </p><p>You looked up from examining his bookshelf – books you had never read and never intended to read – and faced him. Your report was still in his hands, but he wasn’t looking at it. He was starring at you, instead, and the thought of it made your cheeks burn. </p><p>“He’s been coming to the Black Bulls’ headquarter.” You answered cautiously, feeling like a child who was scrambling for an excuse after being caught stealing candy. There was no reason for you to feel that way when you have done nothing wrong, and yet – </p><p>“Has he now?” He questioned, closing the report completely. You were dense but there was no way to miss the accusatory edge to his voice. </p><p>“What are you implying?” You snapped. It had been a long day. All days had been long days ever since you found out about him and George. You didn’t want to deal with this, too. </p><p>You were angry, and it must’ve shown, for his voice quieted when he spoke. “There have been… rumors. That’s all.” </p><p><i>Rumors.</i> You wanted to laugh, and the only thing preventing you from doing just that was that you might cry in the process. <i>Funny, the only rumors I’ve heard about were between you and him.</i> </p><p>You got straight to the point. “Do you want me to stop seeing him, then?” </p><p>He was silent for the longest time, and when he spoke again, his voice was even more quiet than before. “I would like that, if you don’t mind.” </p><p>This time, you laughed out loud, except it came out not as bursts of laugher but something between a snort and a broken sob. You knew the answer. You had always known. It didn’t make it hurt any less.  </p><p>“Your words are my command.” You said, the words tasted like ash in your mouth. Ash to mourn for a thing that never was. “If there is nothing else, I will take my leave, Your Majesty.” </p><p>You all but bolted out of the door before he even had a chance to react. Vaguely you could hear your name being called. It could’ve been him. It could’ve been him Klaus or Mimosa, who he made his advisors after his coronation. It could’ve been just a figment of your imagination. </p><p>You didn’t want to stay long enough to find out. </p><p>You didn’t return to the place you had made your home for the last twelve years. Instead, you redirected your sword and headed straight to Hage. </p><p>Just like that day years ago, Sister Lily took one look at you and ushered you inside of her room. She did not warm up the hearth, as it was no longer winter, but she did light a scented candle that doused the room in rose fragrance. The smell was borderline obnoxious, but a welcoming distraction, and you would take any distraction now. </p><p>“He’s in love.” You blurted out, ignoring the squeeze in your heart as you uttered the words out loud. There was no point in dancing around the topic. You didn’t even need to mention a name. But she knew.</p><p><i>And not with me.</i> You didn’t say. There was no need to mention that either. She understood, too. </p><p>“Oh, Asta,” she pulled you closer and wrapped her arms around your shoulders. “I’m so sorry.” </p><p>Once again, you hugged her back and sobbed into her chest. And you two stayed like that for the whole night. </p><p>You didn’t kiss her again, and you left wondering if you should have. Maybe then it would make you fall in love with her. Your love would still be unrequited but at least it would hurt less than wondering if the sun would ever look at your direction. </p><p>You were twenty-seven when you discovered what a heartbreak felt like.  </p><p>(You had always known.</p><p>You wished you hadn’t known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>Vanessa was the last person you should’ve come to for advice, and yet that was what you did. The solutions she gave was just as terrible as you expected, but you still followed them. </p><p>“Have you tried seeing other people?” She suggested, as kind and sweet as ever. She didn’t mean any harm by her words, but that didn’t stop the bile from rising up your throat as your stomach clenched from the thought of being with anyone else but him. </p><p>“Sure.” </p><p>It wasn’t hard – you were one of the less popular captains, and people didn’t swarm around you the way they did for Nozel or Fuegoleon or <i>him</i>, but you were still a captain of the most awarded brigade. Plenty of people still admired you, and many of them were willing to turn their admiration into something else. </p><p>The first time it happened was after you’d saved a village in the Forsaken Realm from a particularly vengeful witch who was determined on turning the entire village into frogs. She was powerful, but the anti-magic inside of you spare no exception. It didn’t take long to capture and restrain her, though you had to spend the entire afternoon turning the frogs back into humans. </p><p>Just when you were about to head back, a man stopped you from your track and flashed you a friendly smile. </p><p>“It’s already dark.” The stranger said. “It’s not safe to be going anywhere this time of the night. May I treat you to a drink?” </p><p>You had scoffed – you were a magic knight captain, after all - before you caught on to the implication behind those words. Normally, you would’ve said no, would’ve bid them goodbye and returned to your room to write your report regarding the situation. But there was something about the twinkle in his eyes that made it hard to deny him. </p><p>Or that was what you told yourself. But you knew better. You wouldn’t have even thought twice about the offer if it wasn’t for his raven hair, his slender frame and porcelain skin, or the way his hazel eyes glowed gold in the moonlight. </p><p>This was a bad idea from the start. If there was any possibility of you loving anyone else it would’ve happened already. You had twenty-seven years to realize that. </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>The town was small, and you did just save them, so it was no surprise that you attracted immediate attention at the tavern he took you to. Dozens of people crowded around you, greeting you and offering a drink, and you didn’t have the heart to reject them, and so you took the cups and downed them in one go and tried not to think about their effects the morning after. </p><p>Alcohol tasted bitter as you poured it down your throat, but it made thinking a little harder, and you were grateful for that. It meant that you wouldn’t have to remember how <i>he</i> would never be yours, that you would have to go for the rest of your life knowing he would be someone else’s, seeking refuge in the darkness of your own room and pale imitations of the sun. </p><p>And that was why you said nothing as the stranger – Liam, you learned – dragged you out of the tavern, back to his own room. You said nothing as he pushed you down a bed and mumbled sweet nonsenses into your ears. You said nothing as he pressed his lips against yours. </p><p>You woke up the next morning with the worst hangover you’ve ever experienced and a note by your bedside that told you to get some rest. It would’ve been sweet if you could taste anything else but ash and guilt in your mouth. </p><p>The rendezvous didn’t last long – Liam lived in the Forsaken Realm and loved his village too much to leave. You had your duties and the Black Bulls to captain. But there was something else, too, if the knowingness whenever he looked at you was any indication. </p><p>“You should tell him.” Liam said when you two parted your ways. You didn’t answer him. </p><p>“You’re an idiot.” Noelle huffed as soon as you returned to the headquarter, a disapproving Kahono by her side as she finished off her girlfriend’s braid. You didn’t answer them, either. </p><p>*** </p><p>Liam was the first, but he wasn’t the last. There were many, many more who approached you as you passed by their village with stars in their eyes and a tendency to please that you were too eager to indulge in. They were willing to listen to your past adventures, your anti-magic, and even just tedious details about your everyday life with little to no complaint. They didn’t mind it when you were disinterested in their lives, though you wondered if that was the point in the first place. </p><p>They didn’t love you – they loved an image of you, your hero status after you saved their village, your title as magic knight captain. That kind of affection could develop into something more if you had let it, but you didn’t want to, because you knew you couldn’t love them back in return. </p><p>It was no coincidence that all of them bear uncanny resemblances to one another – male, raven hair, with eyes a brown so light they were almost gold. They never lasted long – they knew what they were seeking for, and after a while they knew what <i>you</i> were seeking for, as well. And that was when they left, because they found out what you were seeking for wasn’t them. </p><p>Every single time it ended, you’d found him at your doorstep in the morning, warmth in his eyes (not pity, and you took reprieve in that) and a box of goods from your favorite bakery in the Noble Realm. You didn’t know how he managed to find out, but you appreciated it, nevertheless. At least he was being a good friend. Because that was what you two were – good childhood friends turned rival turned back to childhood friends and nothing else.</p><p>You wished you could say the same. </p><p>“That was the second person this month.” He said, disapproval dripping from his voice. You had enough decency to look chastised. </p><p>“Hey, it isn’t my fault this time!” You defended yourself, and for once, it wasn’t a lie. The guy you had been seeing, Davin, was trying to make his ex-boyfriend jealous, and there was no better way to do that than to start dating a magic knight captain. Davin was upfront about it from the very start about his predicament and apologized profusely afterwards for using you, so there was no bad blood between you two. On your part, you had simply shrugged it off and wished the two of them the best. It wasn’t like you actually loved him. </p><p>“Next time, I swear, I will meet the right guy!” You declared. This time, it was a lie. There was only one person who could make you happy in such a way, and no amount of potential dates was going to get that person to notice you. </p><p>(You had always known.)</p><p>*** </p><p>You were twenty-eight when George knocked on your window and demanded to talk to you in private. </p><p>“What’s this about?” You mumbled, sleep-laced, as you stifled a yawn. The sun hadn’t even appeared yet. Whatever the emergency was, it could’ve waited until later. </p><p>Apparently, it wasn’t. “It’s about Yuno.” </p><p>You hadn’t even known the two of them were on first name basis – every other person from the Spade Kingdom had insisted on calling him Yuno Grinberryall, a relic from his past that you were never a part of. But that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. </p><p>“Okay.” You answered, keeping the tremble out of your voice. You couldn’t afford to appear weak now. </p><p>After Yami’s retirement, you were given the captain’s quarters, located on the rooftop of the Black Bulls’ headquarter, a definite upgrade from the small room in the corner of the basement that you were given when you first joined. Over the years, you’ve made the space into something you could call your own, decorating the room with all assortments of things from both your past and present. On the wall were pictures of the Black Bulls, of the church and Sister Lily and the children, of memories of your various escapades. There was a shelf displaying various trinkets that were given to you as gifts by grateful civilians in exchange for saving their lives, from makeshift charms to dolls to small statues. There was <i>him</i>, too, in the shades of gold on your carpet and the pictures on your wall (and in your nightstand) and in the sun that you watched rose from the sky every morning. </p><p>“What do you want to discuss?” You asked bluntly, not wanting the Spade monarch to linger for too long. The last breakup had been particularly bad, with your ex-boyfriend insisting that the two of you sleep together when the thought of it made your stomach twist with disgust. The subsequent fight that broke out had him screaming into your face about how you would’ve gladly spread your legs if <i>he</i> was the one who asked, and you had to kick the bastard out before the Black Bulls ganged up and killed him. It had put you on a foul mood for the whole week, and you didn’t need another reminder of things you could never have. </p><p>George must’ve noticed that you didn’t want to dance around the topic, because he got straight to the point, as well. Even then, you couldn’t have anticipated the words that came out of his mouth. </p><p>“I like you.” George said, and you dropped all propriety as you starred at him, your jaws on the floor. He continued before you could reply. “I always have. Ever since we first met a year ago.” </p><p>Any other person would’ve thought about the potential ramifications of having the sovereign of another country being infatuated with them, but you had never been any other person. </p><p>Your first thought was, <i>oh, Yuno is going to be devastated.</i> </p><p>Your second thought was, <i>oh, he’s going to hate me.</i> </p><p>And out of everything that had ever happened, that was the one thing you dreaded the most. Growing up magicless in a world where magic was everything, you had learnt a long time ago to stop caring about what others think of you. But if he hated you – </p><p>You didn’t know what to do if he ended up hating you. </p><p>“I… I told Yuno about it, because I know the two of you are close.” George admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “And he seemed… very upset. He was the closest to anger I’ve ever seen him. And then he kicked me out before I could say anything else.” </p><p>
  <i>Oh.</i>
</p><p><i>Oh no.</i> </p><p>
  <i>He’s definitely going to hate me.</i>
</p><p>“I think you two should talk about it.” George said cautiously, as if he’d noticed something from your face. “I feel like it’s something only the two of you can resolve.” </p><p>The Spade king left before you could properly bid him goodbye, and that was a good decision on his part. You didn’t know if you were capable of talking to him right now. At least, not without grabbing him by the collar and asked him why must he love you instead of the one person who mattered the most. </p><p>Because that was the way it was supposed to be. Yuno was the sun. He was supposed to get everything and everyone he wanted. Even if it meant you ended up miserable at the end. You had always known. </p><p>And now, you wondered if you actually knew. </p><p>*** </p><p>You didn’t come to him right away, because you knew emotions were high and you might ended up saying something very, very stupid that would result in him killing you or vice versa. So you waited until nighttime came before dragging your sword out of your grimoire and rode to the palace. </p><p>And that was how you ended up in front of his doorstep, eyes on the verge of tears and mouth a mixture of bile and ash and blood. You didn’t get the chance to look yourself in the mirror, so you couldn’t have known what you looked like. But you figured your face must’ve looked angry or nervous or murderous or everything in between, for the guards took one look at you and immediately parted to allow you into the palace. </p><p>“Asta.” He said as soon as he saw you, surprise in his voice mixed with something else. Like desperation. Like pain. (Not love. It couldn’t be). You tried to not think about it. </p><p>“Can I come in?” You usually didn’t wait before marching into his quarters. But you do now, because things wouldn’t be the same between the two of you after tonight. Because he was hurting (because of you), and this was the best you could do. </p><p>He hesitated – he never hesitated – before opening the door and stepping aside to allow you entrance. There was something guarded about the way he greeted you that broke your heart, and it didn’t help that the bags under his eyes are more prominent than ever. He looked like he hadn’t slept since yesterday, and knowing what you knew, he probably hadn’t. </p><p>There were all sorts of questions you wanted to ask him, about his work, his life, how he had been eating lately, but you knew those were all meaningless and cowardly. You had had the entire day to prepare for this. You couldn’t back out now. </p><p>“George told me what happened.” You said slowly, watching as he flinched in his seat. And out of everything, this was something you couldn’t accept. You would rather lose your friendship than having him act this way towards you. Like you were in the way. Nothing but a nuisance. </p><p>“I don’t feel that way towards him.” You said firmly. “I treated him well because he was king of the Spade Kingdom. That’s all there is to it.” </p><p>He didn’t say anything for the longest time. When he finally spoke, his voice is soft. Tired. </p><p>“You don’t need to justify yourself.”</p><p>But you do. “But I do.” </p><p>“Why?” </p><p>
  <i>Because I don’t want you to misunderstand. Because I want you to be happy and you love him. Because the last thing I want is for you to hate me. Because I love love love - </i>
</p><p>“It’s always been you.” You blurted out, feeling too reckless and stupid and calm all at once. “Ever since I know what love is, it has always been you.” </p><p>Because this wasn’t a split-second decision. Because this was something you had thought about for the whole day (whole weeks whole months whole years whole decades). Because no amount of dates was going to make you stop loving him and it took you too long to realize that. Because you knew you would live the rest of your life alone because he would never be yours. But you had to let him know. </p><p>“All our lives, you have always been the center of attention. You’ve always shone too bright, and I was never able to keep up.” You continued. “I thought… I thought that becoming the wizard king would mean that we are equals, but that obviously didn’t work out.” </p><p>He didn’t speak, and maybe that was for the best, because if he did you might run away and never come back. Might retire from your captain duties and give the title to Noelle and travel somewhere nobody would be able to track down. </p><p>“I don’t feel that way towards George… or anyone else… or even my ex-boyfriends. Because – because it has always been you. I can’t love anyone else even if I try… and trust me, I did.”</p><p>You let out a bitter laugh, but it sounded too much like a sob to be convincing. Maybe it was actually a sob instead because your cheeks were wet and you were <i>crying</i>. <i>God,</i> you were crying in front of him and it was <i>pathetic.</i> And this was why you didn’t deserve him because he only deserved the best and not someone so utterly <i>weak</i>. </p><p>“Um – Excuse me. I should go. It’s late.” You mumbled out an excuse and made your way towards the exit, frantically wiping away the tears with the back of your hands. </p><p>Except that you didn’t even get to the door before you were pulled back and pinned to the floor, his fingers around your wrist. </p><p>“Yuno what – ”</p><p>And then his lips were on yours, and your brain promptly stopped functioning. </p><p>He was obviously inexperienced, but he made up for it in eagerness, especially after you started to reciprocate. Fingers loosened around your wrist to sneak past your shirt and glide over your skin. Seconds later, teeth tugged at your bottom lip, demanding entrance that you gladly gave. Soon enough, his tongue was inside your mouth, determined to pull out all the sounds he could from you. You were hopeless – you had been ever since his lips was on yours (but much, much earlier than that, ever since the two of you first met). You couldn’t do anything but wrap your arms around his shoulders and let him do whatever he wanted, struggling to contain the gasps that poured from your lips. </p><p>It had been years since your first kiss, and no one had been able to make you feel like this.  </p><p>Somewhere between his teeth on your collarbone and his hands dangerously close to your inner thighs, you gained back the ability to process the situation and realized that, <i>you two really shouldn’t be doing this.</i> </p><p>“Yuno.” You shook him, but he didn’t even budge as he finished leaving a fresh mark on your jugular, visible for everyone to see. The thought of it shouldn’t thrilled you, and yet it does. “Yuno, look at me.” </p><p>Finally, he removed his face from your neck and brought his gaze up to meet yours. All the previous sleeplessness was gone, replaced by a thick layer of lust and the same emotion you saw in his eyes when you were seventeen. The emotion that you deluded yourself into thinking was love on lonely nights but knew it couldn’t have been. But maybe it <i>was</i> love, because why else would he kiss you? </p><p>“Do you love me?” You asked, words barely decipherable due to how bad you were shaking. You didn’t need to know anything else. Only this. </p><p>
  <i>Please please please please – </i>
</p><p>“Yes.” He answered without hesitation, and time itself felt like it had come to a standstill as all air left your lungs. “Always, Asta. I’ve always loved you.” </p><p>And – </p><p>And what were you supposed to say to that? </p><p>Out of all the answers you’ve come today to hear, that certainly wasn’t one of them. Because he was the sun, and you were his shadow, and the sun was never supposed to look back at his shadow. He was supposed to never love you back, and you were supposed to love him until the day death took you. That was the way it was supposed to be. Except now it wasn’t and he just told you that he loved you and now you didn’t know what to do. </p><p>So you did the only thing you could in that situation – you clung to him even tighter as his mouth went back to your neck to leave another mark. His hand left your hip and travelled lower, until it reached in between your legs. </p><p>“You never notice the way everyone else looked at you.” He whispered in between the kisses he left down your stomach. “You always attract eyes wherever you go, and people gravitate so naturally towards you, to your kindness and your spirit and that fascinating power of yours. Yet, you never notice any of it.” </p><p>You didn’t know why <i>he</i> was the one saying this to you, when it was supposed to be the other way around. He was who everyone looked up to. No one bothered looking at you like that. They couldn’t have been. </p><p>“I have always seen through all of it, every coveted glance towards your direction.” He bit down on your left nipple, and you let out a loud moan. “And I <i>hate</i> all of them.” </p><p>“I hate anyone who has ever laid their hands on you. I hate anyone who dare look at you like you are something to possess. I hate every single one of your ex-boyfriends. And I hate it even more when you break up with them, because I cannot fathom how someone can hold everything I’ve ever wanted my whole life and have the <i>gall</i> to throw you away.” </p><p>You could barely comprehend your surroundings, and yet your mind clung desperately onto his every word as you struggled to come into terms with the fact that, <i>yes, he does want you.</i> And that was all that mattered. </p><p>“You are the only person I’ve ever wanted.” You said shakily, holding back a moan as he squeezed the bulge that had started to form in your pants. “Only you.” </p><p>He bit a spot on your left chest, right above your heart, before pulling himself up to capture your lips again. </p><p>“I know that now.” He said finally. “It took both of us too long, but I know that now.” </p><p>Immediately after, he hoisted himself up from the floor and made his way towards the bed, taking you with him, and that was where both of you stayed for the whole night. </p><p>There was not a single patch of skin on your body that he left untouched. The whole night, his mouth and tongue and fingers were everywhere – tangled up with your own tongue, tugging at the cock in between your legs, inside of you, splayed on top of your chest like you were his to gain and his to lose and everything that he could’ve ever wanted. Whatever he gave you, you tried your best to return it to him, because he was yours to gain and yours to lose and everything you could’ve possibly ever wanted. </p><p>You hadn’t even considered this a possibility before. You had dreams, of course, delusions in the middle of the night when loneliness threatened to engulf you, where you would fantasize about being his and him being yours. But even then, you knew that it could never be. But now that it was, you never wanted to let it go again. Never wanted to let him go. Even if you ended up getting burnt at the end.</p><p>(But you wouldn’t. Even though he was the sun, he wouldn’t hurt you because <i>he loved you he loved you he loved you - </i>) </p><p>It wasn’t until hours later that you noticed how both of your movements had significantly slowed, and you were hit with the realization that neither of you had had a good rest for the last two days. “Hey, Yuno!” </p><p>“Hm?” He looked up from your neck, licking up the spot he’d just marked. You lost count of the amount of times you’d come today, but even now, you didn’t want to stop just yet. But you should, because he was still the wizard king and you were a magic knight captain. </p><p>“It’s late already.” You said gently. “Let’s rest up for now.” </p><p>He halted his movements to absorb your words and you could see the moment it hit him how exhausted he was. And yet, his hands still hold onto your hip like a vice. </p><p>“I don’t want to.” He mumbled petulantly. “I’ve waited my entire life to have you in my arms. I don’t want to be separated from you.” </p><p>You couldn’t find it in you to deny him, but you knew both of you would regret it in the morning. So you simply pulled him up until he was laying beside you and kissed him full on the mouth. </p><p>“Sleep.” You said as you pulled away. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” </p><p>He didn’t protest, and his arms went around your waist as he buried his nose into your hair. You were broader, all hard-earned muscles as a result of training your whole life, but he was the taller and leaner one, so it didn’t take much for you to be wrapped in his embrace. It was oddly intimate, even after everything they’d done tonight. </p><p>“Promise?” His voice was small. Insecure. It was so unlike him, and it was enough for your heart to melt.  </p><p>You kissed him again, just for good measure. “Promise.” </p><p>*** </p><p>
  <i>“Asta, you said that you think the story of Icarus is a love story, right?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yes, Sister Lily!” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, I don’t think you were too off the mark there.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“What do you mean?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I only told the most popular interpretation of tale. But the myth was quite varied. There were some interpretations where Icarus flew towards the sun because he loved it too much that he was willing to die to reach it.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“He was in love with the sun?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Yes, he was.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I don’t understand how, Sister?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You don’t really need a reason to fall in love with something or someone, do you?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I suppose so. Though it’s quite a shame that the story ended in tragedy.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, that is one way of viewing it. But it doesn’t have to be that way.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“But he died at the end, did he not?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, yes, but that didn’t mean it ended tragically.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I’m confused, Sister Lily. Wouldn’t a story where the protagonist die be considered a tragic one?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Well, if you are only talking about a certain kind of death.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I don’t understand, Sister.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Sometimes, things have to die to make way for new things, like how spring arrives after the cold winter. Some things have to be broken apart before they can come back together, and love is no exception.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I think I get it. But I still don’t know how this is related to Icarus.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“In Icarus’s tale, there was a sun god called Apollo. And maybe Icarus did die, but he did not end up in the Hell.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Did he end up with Apollo instead?” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>“I don’t know, Asta. You’ll have to answer that question yourself.” </i>
</p><p>*** </p><p>Living in an orphanage had taught you punctuality, and those habits carried into your daily life even after years had passed. You rarely needed anyone to wake you up, and even then the only person who ever did that was Noelle, during the late nights when you fell asleep at your desk in the middle of writing reports. </p><p>And that meant you weren’t used to being awoken by a loud, high shriek that sounded nothing like Noelle, yet oddly familiar at the same time. </p><p>It took your sleep-addled mind a few minutes to recognize who the owner of the voice was. </p><p>“Mimosa?” You rose from the bed and turned towards the direction of the voice, rubbing away the sleeplessness from your eyes. </p><p>“It isn’t like Yuno to be late for a meeting so I was just checking to see if there was something wrong – ”</p><p>She trailed off, or rather, seemed to lose the ability for speech altogether, and it took you too long to recognize why that was. Her face was redder than tomatoes, likely because both you and him were naked and she could <i>very</i> much see the meal he’d made of your neck, as well as the marks all over your body. The only part she couldn’t see was your lower body, fortunately covered by the blanket, or else you didn’t know how she would react to the mess in between your thighs. </p><p>“Um… I’ll wake him up. We’ll be there in ten minutes.” You grumbled, uselessly raising up the blanket to cover more skin. You considered Mimosa one of your closest friends, and you would like to maintain that friendship, thank you very much. And a large part of that included being able to look her in the eyes again. </p><p>“Uh – yeah – I’ll tell the others that.” She replied quickly, but did not leave right away. Instead, you felt her eyes on your neck again. “I can – heal your marks, if you want to.” </p><p>Now you really weren’t sure if you would be able to look her in the eyes again. </p><p>“Um…” You coughed awkwardly. “Yeah, that would be nice. Thanks.” </p><p>“I’ll wait outside.” Mimosa gestured towards the door before all but bolted towards it. Before she left, she mumbled something so quiet you almost didn’t catch it. But you did, and it sent bursts of happiness to your heart. </p><p>“Congratulations. Everyone would be happy to learn that you two are together.” </p><p>You hoped so. You certainly were.</p><p>*** </p><p>After Mimosa closed the door, you turned to the figure next to you and gently shook him awake. </p><p>“Yuno! We’re late for a meeting.” </p><p>It was unlike him to not wake up on time. It was especially unlike him to let out a dissenting sigh and shifted to burry his face in your stomach, as if not wanting to rise out of bed. It would’ve been adorable if the prospect of the captains throwing a tantrum didn’t give you a headache. </p><p>“Yuno, I mean it. We’re very late. They are all waiting for us. You know how Nozel gets.” </p><p>That managed to get him out of bed, but not before he pulled you closer and pressed a kiss into your lips. </p><p>“All I want is to stay in bed with you for the rest of eternity.” </p><p>Such a simple sentence, and yet it managed to keep you giddy for the whole day. It made the judgmental (but fond, you reminded yourself) glances thrown your way throughout the rest of the meeting more bearable. It made you smile just a little bit wider when the Black Bulls crashed into you in a flurry of congratulations as soon as you stepped your feet into the headquarter. It made the taste of his lips just a bit sweeter as you stayed the rest of the night in the palace to continue where you two had left off last night. </p><p>You were twenty-eight when you thought you were close to losing everything. You were twenty-eight when you muster up the courage to finally touch the sun. You were twenty-eight when you thought you were going to burn and crash and die a painful death. </p><p>You were twenty-eight when you learned this was not the case. You were twenty-eight when you learned that the fire of the sun could kill you, but chose not to. </p><p>You were twenty-eight when the sun loved you back. </p><p>(You had always known many things. But you couldn’t have known this.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So instead of finishing my incomplete works I got into Black Clover and I can't get this AU out of my head so I just have to let it out. Though I really, really doubt this is how the manga is going to go considering it's a shounen so most likely Asta is going to be wizard king. Though it's still fun to conjure up what-ifs. </p><p>I hope you enjoy it. All mistakes are mine. If you think I should tag or put up some content warning, please comment and I will add them. </p><p>I'm not really on this account a lot, but I do have a Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/MarveIousMar">@MarveIousMar</a>. Have a good day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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